September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, but supporting our children's mental health is something families can practice all year long. Sometimes the most important thing we can do is not to have the perfect answer, but simply to notice, listen, stay connected, and know when it's time to ask for help.
As parents, we spend a lot of time thinking about our children's physical safety--car seats, helmets, holding hands in parking lots.
But emotional safety matters, too.
Parenting comes with plenty of moments when emotions run high. A child melts down. A teenager shuts the bedroom door. Someone says something hurtful. Homework becomes a battle. A parent loses patience.
Most families experience difficult moments.
But sometimes a child's behavior tells us that something deeper may be happening. Knowing the difference, knowing what to do next, can help parents respond with connection rather than fear.
Start With Connection
When emotions are escalating, our first instinct may be to correct the behavior, solve the problem, or convince our child that everything is going to be okay.
Sometimes the better first step is simply to listen.
Put down the phone. Sit nearby. Give your child your attention. Instead of immediately offering solutions, try opening the door:
"You seem like you've been having a hard time lately. Want to tell me what's going on?"
Or:
"I'm here. You don't have to figure this out by yourself."
For younger children, the conversation may happen while coloring, driving, during imaginative play, taking a walk or getting ready for bed. Older children and teens may need some time before they're ready to talk.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) recommends talking with children in a straightforward, age-appropriate way, listening openly, and choosing a time when the child feels safe and comfortable.
Pay Attention to Changes
One difficult day doesn't necessarily mean that a child has a mental-health problem. What parents can pay attention to are significant changes from their child's usual behavior, particularly when those changes persist or occur following a difficult event.
Some signs that deserve attention can include:
- withdrawing from friends, family, or activities
- significant changes in sleep or appetite
- unusual anger
- agitation or irritability
- overwhelming emotional distress
- hopelessness about the future
- talking about suicide or making plans for suicide
- self-harming behaviors
Major changes and stresses matter, too. Bullying, divorce or separation, losing someone important, moving, changing schools, trauma and difficulties with peers can all affect a child's emotional well-being.
You know your child. If something feels significantly different, it's okay to pay attention and ask questions.
Don't Be Afraid to Ask
One of the hardest things for a parent may be wondering whether to bring up suicide at all.
If you're worried about your child's safety, you can ask directly:
"Have you been thinking about hurting yourself?"
or
"Have you been thinking about suicide?"
You don't have to conduct an interrogation or have all the answers. Your job in that moment is simply to listen, take what your child tells you seriously, and get additional help when it's needed.
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline specifically encourages adults not to dismiss a young person's disclosure. Something that looks small to an adult, like a breakup, a friendship problem or a school conflict, can feel enormous to a young person.
A Resource Families Can Watch Together
Sometimes sitting down for a serious "We need to talk" conversation feels intimidating for everyone.
Stories can provide another doorway.
My Life Is Worth Living is a free animated mental-health series created for teens, families, and educators. Its stories explore subjects such as depression, suicide, trauma, bullying and asking for help. The episodes were developed with input from doctors, social workers and suicide-prevention experts and are designed to model prevention strategies through relatable characters.
Parents can watch an episode with an older child or teen and simply begin with:
"What did you think?"
That may be enough to start a conversation.
When It's Time to Seek Professional Help
Parents aren't expected to handle every mental-health concern themselves.
Your child's pediatrician can be a good starting point. Depending on what's happening, families can also reach out to a school counselor, school nurse, therapist or another qualified mental-health professional. SAMHSA recommends seeking professional guidance when concerning emotional or behavioral changes arise.
And asking for professional help doesn't mean you've failed to help your child.
Sometimes getting help is how we help.
Local Bakersfield Resource:
Henrietta Weill Memorial Child Guidance Clinic & Adult Behavioral Health is a nonprofit outpatient mental health provider serving children, adolescents and families in Kern County. The organization offers individual, family and group counseling and has served local families since 1946. Their offices are located in Central Bakersfield & Kern County with multiple locations.
Central Bakersfield Location: 3628 Stockdale Hwy, Bakersfield, CA 93309
Phone: 661-322-1021
Website: https://hwmcgc.org
Kern County's children's mental health system also works with other community providers including Kern Behavioral Health Resources & Services (KBHRS) and Clinics Sierra Vista to connect children with behavioral-health services.
If Someone May Be in Crisis
If your child, or anyone you know, is struggling with suicidal thoughts or is experiencing a mental-health crisis, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Trained crisis counselors are available 24/7.
If there appears to be an imminent danger of self-harm or if someone has made a suicide attempt, has an immediate plan and the means to carry it out, or is otherwise in immediate physical danger, call 911 or seek emergency medical care.
Taking Small Steps Towards Mental Health Care This Month
Mental health care doesn't have to begin with a crisis. It also doesn't require parents to become therapists.
Sometimes simply noticing, listening, and learning to take our children's feelings seriously are among the most practical ways we can care for ourselves and our children.
These behaviors will also keep the door open for another conversation.
We can learn how to recognize when loving our children means inviting someone else to help us carry what has become too heavy to carry alone.
Sometimes a ten-minute conversation won't solve the problem.
But it can remind a child of something incredibly important: they matter, and neither they nor you have to face this alone.
